It’s only pain, after all, so try to stay positive and stop complaining

I can’t imagine how many Mondays I limped around job sites grimacing every time I had to bend down to pick up a tool. Or for that matter, wondering if I did make it to the top rung of the ladder, how the hell I would manage to return to earth without falling at it – all because I put in 110 per cent at my chosen sport on the weekend.

Occasionally, a caring client or colleague would ask me if I was all right – to which I would flippantly reply: “It only hurts while the pain lasts.”

I’ve been known to wake up on a Sunday morning (afternoon, whatever) with a hangover that would kill a brown dog, only to smile slyly and think: “That must have been a great night!”

My heart has been broken by relationship break-ups and when, after losing interest in recalling the good times and realising the blame game made things worse, I would take a good look in the mirror at my unshaven face and puffy bloodshot eyes and confidently declare: “Her loss!”

At 5pm on Christmas Eve, I finished building a 40sqm deck, complete with balustrade, café umbrella and bar. It was a two-month project during which I endured COVID, forcibly realigned my scoliosis and decorated several boards with blood and sweat. The scars on my shins from miscalculated stumbles over joists and bearers remind me to think twice before committing to such ambitious projects again. Nah, sometimes pain can be fun. We love that deck!

All pain – whether self-inflicted, accidental or collateral damage – is bearable when we can find a positive aspect. The line blurs when there is no clear reason for the suffering or it seems unjust, such as being struck down with a chronic condition. The two big problems with chronic disease pain is that it’s not fair and it’s permanent.

We didn’t do anything to deserve the affliction, and we now have to manage it for the rest of our lives. How can we find a silver lining in this callous cumulonimbus?

Things changed for me when I had  this conversation:

P*ssed-off Charlie: “What did I do to deserve this?”

Pragmatic Charlie: “You’ve lived.”

P*ssed-off Charlie: “How am I going to handle this for the rest of my life?”

Pragmatic Charlie: “Keep living.”

I’m not big on long-winded internal dialogue but I am a huge believer in the power of positive, concise self-talk. I’ve had hundreds of introspective conversations that end quickly when Mr Pragmatic thumps the desk.

The insidious thing about chronic disease is that it carries physical and psychological pain and it’s the latter that causes the most woe. Anger, regret, confusion, resentment, denial, blame and depression don’t respond to paracetamol or ibuprofen. These are forms of emotional anguish that require psychological strategies to eliminate them or change their meaning within our own lives.

Treatment can be long-term or  instant, depending on the individual and their practitioner.

I’ve always said there are two ways of doing any job: the hard way or the easy way. Guess which one I always go for?

The sooner we deal with bad stuff, the more time there is left for living. A good life is about facing and overcoming challenges, and chronic disease will throw enough of those at us over time. Bring it on, I say.

Modern drugs are awesome for managing physical discomfort and if we look at emotional anguish as just pain,  then we can justify it and be confident that it is temporary. Like muscle soreness, a hangover, love sickness or loss of shin bone bark, embrace it as your special throbbing, knowing that it will soon be gone.

If this article resonates with you, I would love to hear from you. Contact charliegriffithscoaching.com.

 Charlie Griffiths is a certified life coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming practitioner dedicated to helping fellow professionals refocus after being diagnosed with a chronic disease.