I’m so over watching TV and vegging out – even on holidays

I was sitting on the couch, laptop perched on my quads, eyes wandering around the room, wondering why I even turned the computer on.

I exclaimed to my wife, in the tone of a six-year-old toward the end of the excruciating summer holidays: “I’m bored!”

Without moving her head from whatever fascinating program had her transfixed to her iPad came the emotionless response: “Why are you bored?”

I didn’t know if this was a rhetorical question, but since it showed minutely more interest than “that’s nice, dear”, I thought I should attempt to keep the conversation moving.

“I think I’ve over-vegged.”

Barb’s instant animated reaction was, “That’s bloody obvious! What are you going to do about it?”

Let me explain. After months of hectic report writing to meet critical deadlines, the company I consult to recognised signs of burnout and suggested that I take advantage of a quiet time and take two weeks off to smell the roses.

Normally, under these circumstances,  I plunge headfirst into personal projects such as building a deck, erecting a fence, pruning trees and other outdoor activities that improve my physical and mental fitness. But the weather forecast promised persistent wind and rain. So, I made the out-of-character decision to explore the mysterious world of the couch potato.

I had all the necessary tools to conduct my experiment: a comfy recliner, a 60-inch TV screen, Netflix and Foxtel accounts, Starlink unlimited internet, a smartphone, laptop and a fridge full of goodies.

I had no distractions since Barb was working. The lounge room was my oyster.

Sliding out of bed sometime mid-morning seemed the appropriate starting point. Then, a long hot shower to thaw my muscles that had contorted after 10 hours of immobility, a breakfast of reheated leftovers and mount the recliner.

“Let’s see what that mad bastard did overnight?” was my first mission. Then, hopefully catch gorgeous Justine’s Gourmet Chef for some culinary inspiration before … whatever. I watched some thought-provoking UFO documentaries, a couple of true-life murder mysteries, a heap of cooking shows and wore out the scroll button on my remote trying to avoid the mountain of utter crap that the commercial world mistakenly believed would benefit my life and wellbeing.

At 4.30pm, guilt would tug at my toes. So, last night’s dishes would be washed before Barb’s return. If she was lucky, I might attempt one of Jamie’s or Justine’s simpler recipes before settling in to  an evening of viewing.

It is amazing how tired I was after a day of solid inactivity, retiring by 8.30pm for another night of restless discomfort.

I realised after a week of consciously inducing a vegetative state that my brain and my body were devoid of energy and inspiration. I tried to motivate myself by venturing into a shed that houses all  manner of fun distractions: drum kit, dart board, exercise bike and workshop. In no time, hunger drew me back into the house.

The TV went on while I was reheating a quick meal. Then, the cycle repeated.

My conclusion is that Couch Potato Kingdom is a very dark place and lounge lizards are a doomed species.

I resolve to return to my active life  where aches and pains remind me of achievements, my brain no longer wallows aimlessly in a sea of sludge, and I never  again utter: “I’m bored.”

 Charlie Griffiths is a certified life coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming practitioner. Visit charliegriffithscoaching.com