Stop playing the blame game

As an industry consultant, I regularly find myself caught in the crossfire between producers, dealers and suppliers all aiming lethal, laser-loaded fingers at each other.

As fierce as all parties are at sniping, they are equally adept at hiding and dodging return fire.

My job is to seek out the truth, but rarely do the warring factions desire this, too. They all want the process to operate safely, effectively and efficiently, but equally dread the consequences of responsibility. Losing face, losing money and losing credibility are unbearable agonies that must be avoided.

I have to filter through misinformation, disinformation and incompetence when gathering the data necessary to make an accurate analysis.

I have learnt over many years to approach volatile disputes as if I know nothing about the process being audited and gain consent to ask countless questions – often seemingly irrelevant but always with the purpose of gently shucking the oyster and letting the pearl drop.

With credible data in hand, I can step away, piece it all together and produce a report with meaningful conclusions and initiative-taking recommendations.

When I am ready to deliver my findings, I remember Deep Thought: the supercomputer in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which was commissioned to provide the answer to the ‘ultimate question of life, the universe and everything’. After 7.5 million years of deliberation, Deep Thought announced, prior to revealing the ultimate answer, “You’re not going to like it.”

So, knowing that the quickest path to failure is to try and please everyone (Bill Crosby) and accepting that I can’t please all the people all the time (Abraham Lincoln and John Lydgate), I don my well-worn flak jacket and tell them how it is, whether they like it or not.

With the painful truth inflicted, I retreat and observe.

Skirmishes may break out, but eventually responsibility is owned outright or shared and remedial action taken to rectify the issues … and everyone lives happily ever after. Or they ask for a second opinion. Good on them, I say.

When I was told by a doctor that I was overweight, I demanded a second opinion – to which he replied: “You’re ugly, too!”

How easy is it to blame others for our woes?

We can attribute our physical and personality flaws to our parents.

Being a parent, I know that insanity is hereditary: we get it from our kids.

It’s the government’s fault that we don’t have enough spending money.

Speeding fines are purely a source of revenue.

Building inspectors have way too much power.

Wrapping our problems in a blanket of blame only makes them harder to resolve.

They thrive in a warm, cosy environment and the longer they are allowed to brood, the greater the chance of hatching a monster.

At the Mundi Mundi Music Festival recently, Angry Anderson (Rose Tattoo) answered a question from J.Mo during a special live podcast episode about his feelings on mental health.

Gary (Angry) was adamant that dealing with trials and tribulations is not an illness.

In his words, “That’s life!”

The interview embraced the concept of choosing to be a victim or survivor.

My mathematical brain produces: Blame = Victim; Responsibility = Survivor.

Billy Joel sang in You’re Only Human that mistakes are the only things you can truly call your own. Own them!

It doesn’t matter who you blame.

They’re not likely to help, because it’s unlikely to be their fault.

If this article resonates with you, I would love to hear from you.

Contact me at charliegriffithscoaching.com

 Charlie Griffiths is a certified life coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming practitioner.