It’s annoying to be invisible in plain sight

Have you ever felt invisible? Believe me, it’s no superpower. In a tech shop recently, I waited patiently to be served.

Two giggling 20-somethings skimmed past me and sashayed over to the bored-looking male sales assistant. He promptly ignored me, plastered a grin on his face and served them first, while I stood quietly seething.

Ageism had reared its ugly head.

It’s a bias that leads to marginalisation and discrimination.

It can make you feel invisible and irrelevant and it’s ruled by powerful stereotypes, conjecture and harmful assumptions. Professor, author and ageing expert Amanda Barusch says ageism is a prejudice that targetslater life. She explains that it operates on two levels.

“First, job applications are ignored, services denied and respect withheld,” she says.

But as Ms Barusch points out, the most insidious is the second level: the attitude that creeps into the minds of older adults.

“To spare others the bother, we just edit ourselves out, don’t apply for the job, don’t ask for what we need and don’t rise to the next challenge because we think we are ‘too old’,” she warns.

What do your senior years mean to you? Creaking joints, forgetfulness and feeling old? In the mirror, you see someone who doesn’t look like how you used to. You stress about losing your health and being overlooked at work.

The reality is, just about everyone is fearful of the passing of years. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Getting older, can mean enjoying newfound freedoms, hope for the future and the wisdom that comes with age.

Youthfulness isn’t perfection, although popular media and marketing hype propelled by companies with deep pockets would lead you to believe it is.

Ageing also brings knowledge, internal strength and resilience.

There can be a quiet confidence in knowing that you’ve survived this big, beautiful, crazy world and all its joys and hardships so far.

The term ‘ageism’ was coined in 1969 by American psychologist and gerontologist Robert N Butler, who described it as systematic prejudice against older people.

It’s a complex issue, partially because it’s all encompassing.

Dr Marlene Krasovitsky, co-chair and campaign director of Every Age Counts, says ageism is widely accepted and normalised.

“It’s impossible to swim in the sea and not get wet. No one is immune,” she says.

It’s imperative to check your own internal voice. Dr Krasovitsky explains that this means challenging unhelpful assumptions.

“If I forget something, I might think I’m having a senior’s moment, or if I’m struggling to get off a chair, I might think, ‘What do I expect for my age?” she says.

“We enforce that thinking, whether consciously or unconsciously.”

There’s good reason to challenge that mindset.

Adopting a positive attitude about ageing means you’ll likely live longer.

A study of 14,000 over-50s at Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health showed that people with the highest satisfaction with ageing had 43 per cent less risk of dying over a four-year period, compared with those who were the least satisfied.

Other studies by researchers at Yale and Miami universities showed you can live up to 7.5 years longer if you embrace positive ageing.

With a collective shift in attitude, we can redefine ageing – seeing it not as something to be feared, but a stage of life that is truly worth celebrating.

Let’s light a match, and watch it flicker, fuelled by the collective consciousness, to slowly blaze a trail of positive ageing attitudes.

Let’s get pro-ageing conversations happening and challenge perceived societal norms of what it means to grow older.

Margaret Morganroth Gullette, anti-ageing activist and author of Ending Ageism or How Not To Shoot People has a card as a tool of enlightenment for those who make ageist remarks or behave in an ageist way.

Part of it reads: “(Ageism) has a political and personal impact like that of racism or sexism. They marginalise, silence and deform an entire class of people.”

The words might be blunt, but the message is crystal clear.

So, too, is the effect of ageism on older Australians.

Sue Leitch, co-chair of Elder Abuse Action Australia, says ageism is not just an attitude problem: it has real and damaging impacts.

“It erodes dignity, limits choice and, in many cases, paves the way for elder abuse,” she says.

Ageism in healthcare and the workforce limits choices.

It influences self-worth and silences internal cries for justice.

In modern medicine, ageist assumptions can shape the level of clinical care offered to patients.

It’s an attitude by the medical fraternity that is far from being a soothing balm.

Ageism can serve to diminish legitimate issues. Everyday ailments and symptoms such as aches and pains or feeling tired and lethargic are often put down to simply getting older.

Dr Krasovitsky says this may have potentially devastating repercussions.

“It can mean life-threatening and death-hastening impact if symptoms are just put down to a person’s age without proper investigation, testing and treatment,” she says.

In the workforce, older Australians are often discriminated against.

Dr Krasovitsky says comments including “past it”, “too slow”, “no good with technology” or “being greedy and hogging jobs so others can’t move up” are often the norm.

“These stereotypes only serve to marginalise and exclude,” she says.

In an age where inclusion and diversity are encouraged and celebrated, why is it still okay to make ageist jokes in a way we’d never make sexist or racist jokes?

Changing the narrative can be empowering. But to really get the message across, Dr Krasovitsky says a softly, softly approach is the way to embrace positive change.

“If you hear an ageist joke, action or comment, say you are feeling uncomfortable – start in a gentle way. We want to bring people with us in this journey,” she says.

Find your voice and speak up.

When it comes to confronting ageism, Ms Barusch agrees it’s important to start small.

Ask questions. Why didn’t I get the promotion? Why did you serve that person first: I am standing right here?

If someone says, “You look young for your age”, it might be a complement, but scratch the surface and Ms Barusch says it’s far more insidious.

“The assumption buried in that phrase is that looking your age is something to be pitied,” she says.

“Ultimately, ageism won’t be dismantled one comeback at a time.

“It requires people of every age to call it out when we see it.”